Thursday, February 18, 2010

Avatar Movie Review

Avatar Movie Review
4 out of 5 (Great!)

Avatar equates to Smurfs with attitude
And Raditude by Weezer don’t need Weezy for gratitude (there I said it)
Brown eyes, blue skin, fuck it these natives need sun tan
Not a box office smash making James Cameron a gazzilion grand
Steal rhymes and techniques from Pokahantas and a Wolf that Dances
And add monsters lookin’ like ant-eaters and purple praying mantises
A world full of plants, a tall chick that’s frantic
Interspecies antics and a scarred general with man tits
I applaud your epic fantasies, your vanity and love for science fiction fantasy
But man please, your exploiting Native American mythology and dark times in our history
You must’ve missed me when I dissed thee, G, I frisky little Navi having sex with Jake Sully
But what’s Michelle Rodriguez doing inside a cockpit without Vinnie D
“The fast and the Navi”, a fantasy of blue skinned street racer wannabes?
Treetop canopies and blue skinned cannibal doggies?
I’ve gone a bit far, let’s rewind to the beginning
The premise had weight, and epics like this are sure to have themes of love and fate
Imperialistic hate, not a movie to take a chick on a date
But wait,
A billion dollar revenue and blue skinned Saldana must’ve made some chicks gyrate
Must’ve made some chicks tan blue, strip to bare essentials to feel orgasmic,
Fantastic, a bit crass and plastic, but a spastic blue Aztec Navi chick’s sure to make the guys ask for it,
Get baked and have sex, get frisky Navi Style,
Plug your tail into hers, phallic parts, nah its doggystyle
But back to the movie, this review’s kinda out of date
It was knocked out first place but Dear John, ain’t that retarded?
How in the hell did Amanda Seyfried topple a web weaved by Sigourney
On top of that, she’s a Blue Navi chick and a red haired human hotty
Yeah she moves me, I saw her on T.V. when I was, like, three
The graphics amazed me and 3d goggles in dark theatres rarely make things look fake
Heart pumping action accompanied a story that was sorta second rate
But who can say no to a Navi Sigourney
I haven’t seen Sigourney Weave her web of brilliance since she RPGed that Queen in Alien 3
Wait that was Aliens 2, Weavy baby I’m sorry
I must be losing my “fan”, what in the Mother Tree is wrong with me
But seriously, you’s a mean bitch, slapped the face of General Quatrich
Speaking of which, great acting from Stephen Lang and Giovanni Ribisi
who played Parker Selfridge
And all the other actors, including the brown guy, make the movie a must-see
See me watch it once, twice, not times that by times three
The movie’s enjoyable and if you instead opt for a movie called Dear John
A faun on your lawn with a long john’s gonna have his way with your fat mom

- Sigourney Weaver!
- Zoe Saldana
- Groundbreaking graphics
- Epic!
- Satisfying and
- Michelle Rodriguez needs Vin Diesel
- No Vin Diesel
- Exploits natives and imperialistic story of white man savior ish…
- No Jeremy Renner

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